Still waiting....

Last time i wrote "it has been a while".
Nothing happened since. I guess Miss Xaaya still is too busy in real life to come online. I tend to come online not as much as i used to, since there isn't much ging on for me.
I try to avoid places where i can get in trouble and a girl can only do so much shopping.

It has been a while

It has been several days since i posted last time. Simply since there isn't much to tell.
Miss told me She likes me wearing black & white clothing (i guess white & black will do as well) so i did some shopping and reviewed my existing wardrobe on black & white items and tried to create some outfits. Some needed pieces of clothing and i went to look for them too.
Yesterday i changed the clothes Miss Xaaya had me wear when we saw eachother last ime, some days ago now. They needed to be cleaned and besides that i kind a like this outfit and by the response i get others do like it too.
What else do i do with my time? Nothing much really. Most friends are too busy and the Mistresses that contact me i keep on a distance since i am not available anyway. There was one Mistress the day before yesterday, that expressed Her interest in being second Mistress. I told her that that was not for me to decide and that i could not imagine that Miss Xaaya would agree to such an arrangement.
Sometimes i talk to someone, but most of the times i just am waiting for Miss Xaaya to come. To be there when She is able to be online.

Liz waiting for Miss Xaaya

A really nice day

It was a lovely day yesterday. Why? Hmm, simple.
Miss Xaaya already was online when i returned from dinner. It was such a nice surprise.
She told me She generally was pleased with my performance over the past days as well as with the way i fullfilled my tasks, which made me even more happy.
We talked about the time we were not able to be together and it really was good to see She reads my blog, following me. She asked me lots of questions. Such as about my feelings at times and the reactions of others to my situation. It was also very clear She did miss me too. What more can a girl wish for?
Time flies they say and that was exactly what happened, so after having changed my clothes (the ones i was wearing were all soaked by my drooling), She put on one of my single-gloves en my leg-irons and we said goodbye. I can speak again!
Later that night i found that my friends are reading my blog too, which is nice. In this particular case it even was nicer since this one friend (a very lovely girl) obviously got to understand how i felt the last days. I could tell by her reaction and i love her for that. Kisses E!
Her responding that way was the cream on my strawberries.

A day to forget real soon

What a day it has been. I seem to be blessed with some patience, at least that is what i have been told a few times the last couple of days and today i needed all of that.
It started this afternoon. For some reason i could IM again and i used that opportunity to greet a Mistress, that i value greatly.
I know She is taking it very hard seeing me under Miss Xaaya's control. She thinks She failed somewhere along the line and thinks She missed an opportunity to make me Hers. Neither is true, but i could not make Her see that.
So i had a most laborious conversation in which i failed in every aspect. I could not make Her see She didn't do wrong anything; i could not make Her see why Miss Xaaya appears to be the one for me and i wasn't able to cheer her up.
This evening i had a similar talk, this time with a friend. This friend is rather softcore, which is no problem of course and she switches regurlaly, although not my cup of tea no problem there either. This friend has problems with my needs in bdsm, with the way i am walking around SL the last few days; being chained up and gagged, with my IM's blocked.
She does express her problems with this all the time instead of supporting me, since i do find it hard to be isolated like this and since Miss Xaaya does not have the time to come online i have to stay like this untill She has. That is hard since i am harly able to communicate and i am hardly able to move around. So i cannot talk to people, but going shopping is close to impossible too. I imagine it comes close to being a bane.
Anyway, i had decided to distract myself a little and go look for some hair when this friend (She can see where i am in SL) turned up and in stead of some distractive shopping i spend the next hour or so argueing with her about how awfull she thinks my position is.
She is not able to accept the fact that this is what makes me tick, this is who i am. She says she does, but that is not so. Ironically she seems to think that the reasons why it is ok for her to switch (it makes her whole) do not apply to me, to my more stern bdsm-lifestyle. So this conversation was pretty depressing and instead of being my friend and help me through this phase, she forced me into an argument in which i tried to make her see, that we are not all that different and that she should accept me for who i am.
At the end of this depressing day in SL Miss Xaaya appeared not to be able to come online again; i waited untill 03.00h am CET. In my experience She does not come online after this hour. Thta made it the fourth day of me being completely on my own and the fifth and may be sixth day are ahead. No need to say i have known happier times.

To play or not to play ?

I am not in the habit of changing original posts, but i do not want to be too rigid about it either.
I quoted something that was said in a conversation between two other people, a conversation with which i was not present. Even not mentioning names i should not have done so. Therefor i deleted my original post. I apologize to the ones concerning.

I somehow cannot stop thinking of what happened the past two days. Why didn't the other people present at that time do anything about it? Why didn't they stand up for me? That is what's bugging me.
Don't get me wrong; i don't say this to blame them, i am only wondering. It was just an example. Thinking of why it is possible that something like this happens in Second Life. Although Real Life is far from perfect in the same setting this would not have happened.
So there apparently is a difference between SL and RL. I do not know the answer, but i can think of some possibilities:

In SL there is anonimity, so people are more likely to abandon certain generally accepted behaviour and slide into behaviour that is more easy and in RL less accepted. A bit similar to the football-hooliganism, although not as dramatic of course. I just try to point the mechanism.

In RL people that attend bdsm-parties generally are seriously interested in (entering) the lifestyle; in SL there are many tourists as i call them. With that i mean people that actually do not have "bdsm-genes", but go with the flow, the media hype.
They are there in RL too, but since in rl it is real (e.g. it really hurts to be whipped) they tend to withdraw rather quickly. Since in SL it isn't all that real these people are not scared off and stay. It is "fun" after all. And may be that is the key(-"problem") it is fun, not all that real, therefore it is taken not all that serious. And may be they are right; may be i (and a number of others) should take things less serious, more lighthearted or just stay in RL with our seriousness. Don't worry, be happy.

Which brings me to something else, related, but not the same.
I noticed that there are lots of people that state in their profile that they hate drama and listening (which is about the only thing one can do being gagged and with blocked IM's) you can hear that be said all the time. So why is there so much drama then? Just wondering here. May be i will come back on this topic in a later post. This one turned out to be a long one anyway.

Bad slave ?

Something happened yesterday. I did not mention it; not here and not in my IM's to Miss Xaaya. I did not do so, since i thought it happened, but it would no go any further. How different it turned out. This is what happened:
I was talking to some dutch girls when a Mistress (also dutch) joined us. The other girls were teasing me, since i was gagged and only able to garble and emote. At some point this Mistress put her finger under my skirt sliding up my thigh touching my private parts. I did not like that and told Her that i am "off limits". She responded by laughing and saying "what.....? off limits? no way..see?" again touching my privates. I immediately tp-ed away , since that was the only defense i had.
I did not talk about this event, since i thought it was in the past and it would not happen again.
Today i was on the ranch again talking to a friend and this "Mistress" showed up. My friend greeted her i did not. I did not tell my friend about it either since i did not think it is not done to tell those things to others. Anyway, my friend was teasing me a little and she involved this Mistress in it. That lead to the situation, that contact with Her was inevitable so i emoted (still being gagged) that i ignored her, hoping She would leave it to that. She did not...
Limited by my gag i tried to make Her clear by emoting that She had been out off line ignoring my NO. She did not show on any moment that She realized She had crossed a hard line. May be i was too stubborn as my friend told me later. On the other hand i always was under the impression that "when a girl says No, she means NO" and that a NO is to be respected. Especially when it concerns a Domme against a tied up, gagged girl.
Long story short: this Mistress was convinced She did nothing wrong and i am a bad slave so She will contact Miss Xaaya, armed with the note of the chat. She expects Miss Xaaya to punish me for my behaviour.
Looking back, i think that i could (should?) have handled the situation better i do not think however i did much wrong. But i do not know Miss Xaaya all that good yet, so i cannot judge how She will react. I can see She will share my view regarding the actions of that Mistress, but She might punish me anyway for not acting well enough in that situation.
It might just as well be possible, that Miss Xaaya thinks i did well (enough) and leaves it to this. I will have to wait untill we meet again.
Miss left me a message that Her RL is acting up terribly and that She has a tight scedule, so the change that we meet up will be rather limited the coming days (weeks?) i guess. Untill we meet i am in heaven... ooops in restraints and gagged i mean.
Smiles happily. Thank You Miss Xaaya.
Thank You too for caring enough to let me know You think of me.

Just an ordinary wednesday ?

After She tied me up and gagged me Miss Xaaya left yesterday saying we would see eachother later. Unfortunately She was not able to make it. Not that i mind still being tied up and gagged and wiggling around, although i would have preferred to have my IM blocked all the time and not on and off as it is now (or is that SL acting up again?). I really get a boost seeing the message that my IM's are blocked: *** IM blocked by sender's viewer.
That makes me feel so proud; proud that Miss Xaaya did that for me. Of all those girls out there. Not just Thank You Miss for making me feel safe.

A big surprise

Since Miss Xaaya asked me if i would be online today i assumed we would meet up and i was looking forward to that time with Her.
I was just wandering about in sl and then there was a groupnote from Kayliwulf's announcing a new outfit: a combination of white latex and white lace, with the irresistible name of Innocence Enslaved. I liked it so much that i bought it and in my enthusiasm i IM-ed Miss Xaaya calling Her Mistress. Oooooops... Sorry Miss.
I was more than pleasantly surprised when Miss came online in the afternoon already. Of course She corrected my "Mistress-outburst", but with respect of the very, very mild "punishment i would say She did not really mind me adressing Her like that. Anyway i had to show her the cause of my slippery behaviour. She approved of it and i had to keep wearing that outfit. Miss replaced my police cuffs by the serious shackles.
We talked some about what She expects from me when being Hers and wants to hear from me whether i think i can meet Her requirements. Miss told me She will have Her new home soon and will be sharing Her island with Her friend, also a Mistress. I will have to obey that Mistress too and She will become my secondowner. I am curious how She is. I think i will like the idea of two owners.
After being given new tasks and being tied up, complete with gag She send me off, since She had to attend RL affairs. It was only later that i discovered She had blocked my IM's too, so hardly could move and i hardly could communicate and all that with my boobs sticking forward drawing attention.
Hmmm, yammie. Thank You Miss.

Liz is happy

Sunday i did not meet up with Miss Xaaya. I must confess that i was disappointed; i had been looking forward so much to be in Her company again and i missed Her dearly.
Yesterday it appeared to head in the same direction. I was talking to a very nice grand-dad (sorry opa *giggles*) and we were about to say good night when i saw Miss come online. My evening was great instantly when She started talking to me; as always She asked me what i had been doing. She does not make me feel as if i have to account for my whereabouts. This Domme cares, which is realy nice for a change!
She surprised me by asking me to state my tasks and report on their status. I could tell Her all i had to do and fortunately i had been able to finish them all as i am sure Miss knew already.
We went to a quiet place where She demanded the real key i prepared for Her. Miss had another look at my RLV folder, dressing me in some other clothes.
Since it was late already and i had to get up real early Miss Xaaya allowed me to log off, but not before She locked my cuffs and my collar again. This night i slept very well.