What a day it has been. I seem to be blessed with some patience, at least that is what i have been told a few times the last couple of days and today i needed all of that.
It started this afternoon. For some reason i could IM again and i used that opportunity to greet a Mistress, that i value greatly.
I know She is taking it very hard seeing me under Miss Xaaya's control. She thinks She failed somewhere along the line and thinks She missed an opportunity to make me Hers. Neither is true, but i could not make Her see that.
So i had a most laborious conversation in which i failed in every aspect. I could not make Her see She didn't do wrong anything; i could not make Her see why Miss Xaaya appears to be the one for me and i wasn't able to cheer her up.
This evening i had a similar talk, this time with a friend. This friend is rather softcore, which is no problem of course and she switches regurlaly, although not my cup of tea no problem there either. This friend has problems with my needs in bdsm, with the way i am walking around SL the last few days; being chained up and gagged, with my IM's blocked.
She does express her problems with this all the time instead of supporting me, since i do find it hard to be isolated like this and since Miss Xaaya does not have the time to come online i have to stay like this untill She has. That is hard since i am harly able to communicate and i am hardly able to move around. So i cannot talk to people, but going shopping is close to impossible too. I imagine it comes close to being a bane.
Anyway, i had decided to distract myself a little and go look for some hair when this friend (She can see where i am in SL) turned up and in stead of some distractive shopping i spend the next hour or so argueing with her about how awfull she thinks my position is.
She is not able to accept the fact that this is what makes me tick, this is who i am. She says she does, but that is not so. Ironically she seems to think that the reasons why it is ok for her to switch (it makes her whole) do not apply to me, to my more stern bdsm-lifestyle. So this conversation was pretty depressing and instead of being my friend and help me through this phase, she forced me into an argument in which i tried to make her see, that we are not all that different and that she should accept me for who i am.
At the end of this depressing day in SL Miss Xaaya appeared not to be able to come online again; i waited untill 03.00h am CET. In my experience She does not come online after this hour. Thta made it the fourth day of me being completely on my own and the fifth and may be sixth day are ahead. No need to say i have known happier times.