The End

Waking up this morning i found an email telling me my wife, my Life had died.

What else is there to say?

Yes, i am still here (part 2)

Some weeks ago i did a post with this very same title. Since then there have been major changes in my world. I guess you all know (of) earthquakes. Well, they are children's playtoys compared to this. At least for me and my sisters.
As you noticed i added (part 2). Of course there is a reason i wrote that. My wife, my Life has gotten so sick, that any day now could be her last day with us. She already has said goodbye to my sisters and to her closest friends and she messages me every single day, telling me "i am still here".
i really don't know what more to say here. It destroys me to see her being destroyed by that awfull illness, a woman of a magnitude that this world needs so badly. She belongs to the people that make the world worth living in. And soon she will be gone......... *cries her heart out*
The fact that i don't want her to go (nor do my sisters of course) does not seem to matter.

Anyway, anyone who wants to say goodbye to this greatest of great persons, should be adviced to do so very, very soon. Since she is tired and very weak i do have a request. Please do NOT IM her when you see her online. Instead send her a notecard telling her how much you care and how much you love her. She will read those and if she has the strength, she will contact you. Thanks for understanding. Of course you all can contact me. After all i am her wife and therefore part of her.

The picture shows us on some rocks my Life gave to me as a present; it has a lovely, sweet, girly, animation and we were sitting there the night before i had to go on my holiday.
Since my Life has left not much time, i wasn't all that happy to go, honestly.

Yes, i still am there

It has been a long time since my last post. There are several reasons for that.
I don't think you are waiting for my sad stories. Of course i can post regurlaly letting you all know that my Life is getting sicker and sicker, sharing with you how lonely i am most of my days; especially the days that my friends Amanda and Tasja are not around, which was quite often lately due to all sorts of holidays and some happy RL developments in Amanda's RL.
Another reason is, that i have been rather busy (and not only by choice) building. I need to find things to keep myself busy. If i do not i'd better leave SL and do something meaningfull in that other life. Problem with hobbies like building and photography is, that they are nice things to do when you do them feeling like doing it. When doing them to fight the alternative: being lonely they suddenly are not all that nice anymore.
And finally i am under the impression, that my blog is not read anymore, so i wonder for whom i am posting and putting in all that effort editting my pics, trying to write nice lines.

So much for explaining why i do not post as often and quickly as i used to do.

Are there nice things to in my SL? Oh yes, certainly. I am fortunate enough to see my Life still quite often, although (as you can imagine) She is not able anymore to be online as much as She used to be. I enjoy every second i am with Her, trying to engrave all of those moments into my memory. For later....

We dance, we visit concerts, we spend time with our precious little one, we talk, we cuddle, we comfort eachother, we hug, we laugh and cry together, we talk about the future.

And sometimes, when She is having a really good day the Mistress in Her arises and God do i love those moments. I cherish them: since they have become rather scarce i value them more than ever. Like the mindfuck She played on me on the wedding of our friend Moni.
We were invited to this wedding and the dresscode was long. At some point we talked about what to wear and my Life fitted some dresses and made her choice. Being the good girl that i am, i asked Her what She wanted me to wear so it would match Her outfit in the best possible way.

Her answer:

Of course i reminded Her that the dresscode was "long" and She replied: well you are wearing long earrings and in my opinion your heels are quite long too. So this is how i was lead to believe i was going to attend Moni's wedding:

To say the least i wasn't very pleased with the thought of going there "dressed" like this. I protested for what i was worth, but apparently that did not impress Her. So there was nothing else left for me than to obey Her. The day came and having fought the battle in my mind i found i lost; not only by (again) accepting She was the one to decide, but also acknowledging She knows me so well; i lost to myself. I wanted to go to the wedding naked being seen by all the other, elegantly dressed, guests. That little (mwah) exhibitionist in me had won again. Did i say "i wanted"? Hmm, that's not quite true, i really longed for it. And the closer the wedding came the more i felt my peace. So, when She told me to put on a dress for the wedding, about 10 minutes before we were supposed to go there, i actually was disappointed. Although i love wearing pretty clothes, i was disappointed. I wonder what that makes me........

The wedding itself was lovely and i hope Moni and her wife and Mistress will have a wonderfull life together. No need to say, that witnessing the ceremony gave me several "mixed feelings moments".

A few days later my owner told me to put on some nice, half cupped, lingerie and the (sky) high heels i wore before. Half cupped since She could hang some nice weights on my nipples. Well "nice", that is to say, She liked it. My nips did not (totally) agree.
Dressed like this She took me to a well known D/s place where She had me dancing for Her and A/all present.
Afterwards W/we went home and relaxed a little, enjoying eachothers presence.

A really nice week

And more or less out of the blue came the message that my Life was allowed to return home and leave that horrible place called hospital. Monday would be the day.......

Monday came and was such a long day (my Life was to return not sooner than our evening). It lasted and lasted.......
But finally the evening fell and my Life came. It was a memorable evening anyway, since my sister Amanda was expexted to return home as well; return to us, but especially return to her wife Tasja who had missed her so much.

After my Life and me had talked a while to my sisters, we left for our home where i had prepared a small welcome. Of course my Life longed to see our little Miekje so i took Her to the babyroom.

We ended up on the couch in our livingroom talking for a while, just feeling eachothers presence enjoying it. The evening, of course, was way too short. It would have been anyway, but my Life was exhausted by all the emotions and She really needed to get some serious rest.

The rest of the week we mostly spend on catching up and relaxing: dancing/ visiting concerts. Once my Life had to prematurely break off the wonderfull moments together since She suddenly got into so much pain; fortunately that had gone the next day.

It is clear that my Life is being occupied by thoughts about the future, our future; She wants to take care of Her girls even after She will be gone away from us. So we do talk about that and one day She talked to us, telling the girls of Her plans/ Her view on the housing topic and told them i would manage Her group (noooo, not the girls, just the group).

Yesterday She took me shopping and She bought me some new clothes. As if my wardrobe did need to be enlarged anyway...... the dresses She bought me i will not show here. I don't want to see my blog being closed down *blushes heavily*.

Besides all this us girls are thinking and talking about the future.
I talked to my sisters since they need a home in future too. The wishes and needs of both couples are slighty different and we tried to combine them. I think we came quite close and we agreed that i would try to build a show-house so the girls are able to see what it could look like on our land.
I really hope i am able to create a house in which all of them are happy, so they can keep on living together for a very long time.

May 7th already

There is nothing much to tell really, but i don't want you all out there to think i don't exist anymore *smiles softly*.

It has been quite some time now that my Life is hospitalized. The word is that she seems to be improving very slowly. Phycially that is. She still is being kept in isolation. Emotionally she is not doing alll that good. I am told she misses me incredibly.
I miss her too; very much so.

Fortunately we can exchange messages via our "middleman", but it would be a good thing if she could get her laptop so we can talk with eachother again.
A nice pair we are, she lying in isolation, all alone being bored and me in SL all alone too.
Of course there is little Annemiek, but besides feeding her and changing her diapers she still sleeps most of the day.
Of course there are people that say they love me and say they do not want me to be alone etc. But, when being honest, they too cannot get around admitting that there is a difference between what they say/ feel and what is daily (Second) Life. Either they are too busy with others/ other things or they are too little online to make a difference.
Eitherway i am alone most of my online time and i think it is wise for me to review my options, which of course i have been doing now for some time, since this situation isn't quite new. I am not sure what to do with my life in here, but one thing is: i need to find myself things to do, things i can do on my own, since i am the only one that is always there for me. If not i'd better cut on my online times.
Hmmm, this part has grown too long again. Sorry about that. I just wanted to tell you about my Life, my Annemie and i wanted to tell you i have been busy building a few cottages for Miss O. Miss O has the plan the set up a small series of cottages on her land, a sort of small subby-village. She will use them to provide a home, a shelter, for subbies that got lost to recuperate and for newbies to provide them with a good and solide starting point.
If i understood her correctly, the girls (yes girls only) are allowed to stay two months for free. After that period they should be able to spread their wings (again) and go their way in SL. Should they like it that much, that they want to stay longer they can rent the place.

An average day.....

In this post i want to share with you an average day in SL. In between i did some shopping and a little building for a friend of the family, Miss O.

An update on my girl

This post will not be very long. I received an update on my beloved Annemie: she is hospitalized and taken into isolation, since the tests showed it wasn't her cancer that caused the problems, but a viral infection. Curable but therefore not any better. I will have to wait and see how long this is going to take.


My wife, my Life, is not getting any better in fact her condition is worse than ever before. She not only tells me about it, but one can easily tell by her online times. She comes online only once a day and for a very short while. She does not come online on the times she used to be here, times that we can spend together, times that are pretty inconvenient for her, times she used to come only for me. The fact she is not able to do so, is not a good sign so i am relieved she is going to the hospital tomorrow to have this problem checked out.

Today she only came in my evening and it was nice for them that most of my sisters were there, so they could hug Annemie and talk to her. After a while, when all had her turn and she had the time to talk to me, i told her that i set up the babyroom.
No need to ask if she cared to see it... *smiles*. So i took her upstairs to the towerroom, where our little precious one was sleeping in her crib.

My sister Tasja misses her new bride Amanda very much. They agreed on a little ritual to feel somewhat together during Amanda's absence: every night they drink coffee "together". Amanda in the place where she is and Tasja set up a small coffee-table in the livingroom at home.
Isn't that soooo sweet? I hope the time will fly for you both!

Hmmm, i almost forgot: i put up a "don't disturb-sign on the babyroomdoor, please respect that and do not wake up little Miekje.

The day(s) after.........

Nothing much happened actually since Miekje's birth, except being busy with our little princess . My sisters have seen more of her and even were able to hold her as this picture of my beloved sister Tasja shows.

This second photo i send to my Life, better even, to her nurse, with who i do talk frequently either by email or chat. She had the pic printed out and framed and put it at Annemie's bedside so she would see it when she woke up.

This brings me to a sad issue, a very sad one actually. It looks as if my Life is not able to regain her strength and in fact is getting worse little by little. I will not share details with you all, but the future does not look too bright *fights back her tears*.
I know she wants so much to make it to the summer, but for now i just hope she will be able to enjoy a lovely spring as much as possible.

So i have a request to all of you out there: email her from time to time; let her know she is in your thoughts. She loves that. If you don't have her emailadres, please use mine. I will forward your message to her.

A great day thanks to that little miracle

Finally the day had come, that my delivery was due. I had suffered quite some labor pains and, since the doctor had succeeded in posponing the delivery, i was more than ready to give birth.
I was so happy that my Life was able to be there with me this time. I could not bare the thought of going through this all alone.

I still owe you my decission on which delivery suite it was going to be, and the winner is..... delivery suite number 2

My Life and i were in the clinic early so we were able to relax and settle in. We danced for a while, slow, and created a nice intimate atmosphere. Later we filled the tub and continued our relaxation in the comforting water ... me leaning backwards against Annemie, which gave my back the support it needed so badly; being there with my Life gave me the emotional rub i could not do without.

At some point the doctor joined us in the delivery suite and shortly after my water broke. The contractions i have had all day became even more frequent and more severe and the hard times began.

After some time (was it 20 minutes or 20 hours?) our little princess saw the light of day:
Miek was born on April 19th, 06.25 AM SLT. We call her Annemiek Annemarie Niekerk and of course she is the most beautifull baby in the whole universe. No doubt about that.

A little redhead, just like her mum. If her personality matches that of her mum, i will face a hard future i am afraid *smiles ever so happy*.

My Life was so incredibly happy and that made it even better for me. It was so good to see her like this. Thinking of her situation, her illness, made the whole event so emotional, so beautiful.
I really am honoured that i have been allowed to do this for her to be loved by her so much.
I fear the future.......

Back home we talked a little while, overwhelmed by that little fragile human being, that has entered our lives. My Life had bought a basket full of fun stuff for Miekje and to my suprise she had bought me something very nice too *cries happy*.

The whole thing had drained my Life emotionally so she left to get the rest she needs so badly, leaving me the opportunity to show Miek off to my sisters.

At some point little Miek got hungry so i had to breastfeed her *smiles tenderly*.

My sister Amanda was on for the last time, since she had to go away for a few weeks. She and her wife Tasja gave us a complete baby furniture set!! So very, very sweet of you girls. I love you!!