The time has come to tell you something that you might not want to know. Well i have news for you: bad luck. It is the way it is and i did not want to hear it either and still i had to.
My love, my wife to be, my Mistress, my Owner, my World, my Everything is sick.
She will not live as long as i want Her to
She will not live for many years to come
She will not even live for many months to come
She has a mere few months left........
*fails forcing back her tears*
My life ended the moment it finally started.
I am ashamed off myself thinking that and feeling sorry for myself, whilst my Love is the one that deserves my undivided love, care, attention and support.
And what about my sisters? My Love expects me to be there for them; to comfort and support them; be strong for them. Can i live up to that expectations or will i just fall apart and fail Her?
My Eva knew of Annemie's sickness before i even were hers.
Annemie told me when i just entered the family and asked me to be there for her. Hmmm, of course i will; i would have even if She had not asked.
So for quite some time only Eva and me knew. We knew She wasn't on a businesstrip, but in fact in a hospital for treatment.
In that time She and i got to know eachother really well, talking whole days over msn about almost anything people do talk about. We fell in love.
Bittersweet it felt, but mostly sweet *smiles softly*.
Her homecoming was special. Of course. First off all She returned from that horrible treatment to being with us again.
For me (and Her) it was even more special since it was the first time we met as Mistress and sub. You recall my earlier post on how i waited for Her. When You would re-read that post You would appreciate the different feeling it gives you.
The same goes for the monday a week later, January 26th, the day my Love got the testresults of the treatment: not good; all hope gone. In that respect was dressing up (in my pretty red gown) and going out dancing not just an innocent way to pass the time. We were devastated and tried to fight that feeling off.
I spoke to Her earlier that day; that was one of the hardest things i ever had to do. I found Her staring over the sea; She was so far gone, that She did not notice me coming.
After the dancing we returned to the lighthouse roof overwhelmed by our despair. When She finally went offline i did my share of staring, i felt like being paralyzed.
Two events followed, that i do want to mention to you, since you will appreciate them quite differently knowing now what you didn't know at the time.
First off all, Annemie proposing to me. Accepting Her proposal in this particular situation gave mixed emotions. Of course i love Her so very deeply there was only one thing i could do: say YES!, which i did.
*has to stop writing for a bit*
But the moment i accepted Her proposal, which made me Her wife-to-be, i realized very cleary that i would loose my wife, my love, my everything so soon and therefore accepting Her proposal meant immediately accepting the fact i would be a widow soon. And not only a widow, also a submissive having lost her Mistress.
*tears run silently down her cheeks*
The other thing i wanted to mention, is Mistress giving me Her collar; not just any collar (i had about 12 Collars of my own in various appearences). Her collar never to be taken off again. Not even when She is not around anymore. A collar, that if i survive in this world, will have to be accepted by a possible future Mistress. An eternal collar, a tribute to MY Mistress.
So my renewed submission to Her was not just a renewal. No doubt you will appreciate the emotions attached to this event.
Besides the fact, that i cannot imagine me being owned by anyone else then my Annemie, it seems next to impossible to find a Mistress that will accept me wearing Annemies collar next to Hers.
No need to say, that all things that will happen now and in the near future will be quite differently charged for any member in our family.